January 18, 2012
I was out looking for Something, and I took pictures when I look for Something.
To increase frustration I was being unable to see that Something.
No pictures on my way.
I mean, I have been taking pictures for almost an hour
but I hadn’t found A picture that I might loved to share.
All the bad thoughts that are running in my mind since Sunday were back
Leave any hope.
Accept things as they are
I was walking along a stairway.
I was on THAT stairway in the
where I love to go.
I was walking down those steps when I saw just a leaf
On a rock.
I was surrounded by trees
but that leaf was exactly
of the few
It was there,
dead or almost dead,
brown on white-grey living stuff
the beauty in the decay.
A charming non-sense that made a lot of sense for me.
I felt like it was a portrait of me.
April 28, 2011
March 31, 2011
It all started in May 1998, a couple of weeks before my 11th birthday, in the sporting goods store where I bought my first (and only) pair of in-line skates.
I had absolutely no idea how to use those, i don’t even remember the reason why I wanted such a present. To overcome my ignorance I did the only thing a child growing in a family like mine would do if wants to learn something new: buying a book where there are explained the basic techniques, in this case, of the use of in-line skates.
I spent only-God-knows how many hours skating in the car parking area, that is few square meters wide. The same area that I can see from my window in this moment.
I spent much of that time, alone, dreaming about how beautiful would have been if I were an older boy that could go out on his in-line skates through the city streets, or using them in a big park “like those ones I see in American telefilms”.
In the later months I often asked to my parents to bring me to the parks that you could have found in Catania 12-13 years ago.
I wished I had friends to go out with. A couple of time I went out to use my in-line skates with a group of classmates, but still we all were with parents looking after us (It’s ok, we were only 11-12yo kids in a not-exactly-safe city).
I can’t even remember the numbers of times I told myself: “when I’ll be older I learn the advanced techniques from a group of loyal friends”. It of course never happened, even because for “health issues” I had to stop any activity that was more difficult than walking, studying and breathing.
All with with bunch of other memories about those dreams came back when, a few days ago, the webmaster posted something on his blog taking inspiration about what once I told him about my few months long passion for in-line skates. (Follow this link if you want to read his post and if you are able to understand italian)
I don’t remember which was the occasion, but I told him about my passion and about my tenacity of that age. I didn’t just learn to use them(that’s easy) but, each time I happened to fall I was always ready to get up and go back skating for a few minutes, trying to ignore the slight pain caused by the fall (of course it never was that terrible)…I behaved so even the time I broke my right knee-pad. Why? Not because I was brave. The reason was that I just didn’t want that the fear of the fall would overcome me, I didn’t want to let this terrible and blocking fear spreading in my hearth.
Today those tender dreams makes me smile, but at the same time I found mysel sadly amazed about… myself.
I realized that I no longer have such tenacity with my studies and my life in general. I ended my “thoughts about the in-line skates” wondering if I were wiser at the age of 11 than, today, at the age of 23.
Who knows if I’ll be able to get back…
March 3, 2011
I think, hope, that everyone has at least a place to call refuge, a place where you can feel well.
There are several places around me that I call refuge, some are not made of matter, some are too far away to be visited everyday, at times it’s just my bed and then, and then there is this place
It is a place in the area where part of Catania university had been built.
It’s a place where you can find a passerby but, there, rarely you can find someone just sitting and looking around.
This is one of the few places in the “cittadella” where I find peace. I have to walk for about 10-15minutes to reach it from the physics department, but it’s all worth doing that walk.
Yesterday I went there. In the moment I started my walk the sky was partially cloudy, when I arrived there it was raining, a light rain. As soon as I pulled my camera out of my bag the sun started coming back. I have taken a few pictures. While I was on my way back to the laboratories most of the clouds were gone and the few still up in the sky were playing with sun light giving to the sea (pretty well visible from the “cittadella”) the strangest colors, it was all a mixtures of shades of blue, green and gray. Part of the clouds left were hiding the upper part of Mt Etna but a good half of the volcano was still visible and its amazing dress of snow was one of the most amazing part of that show.
People all around me were doing what people do here. Some were reviewing for a test, some were going to the administration, some other were running around the sport ground , some were just chatting with friends, a couple was kissing, some were working, some were relaxing, someone was going away, someone was arriving.
I didn’t get the shot I wanted, but on my way back to the laboratories I realized why I felt “the need” to run away from “my desk” and have this walk.
It was all so peaceful and beautiful that all my troubles faded away.
September 6, 2010
Tired and… well I don’t know…
August 1, 2010
What happens if you place a cat in a pillowcase?
A normal cat: gets upset.
Java: starts purring louder and falls asleep.
Possible but unusual, as the most amazing things in life.
July 6, 2010
July 1, 2010
Sunflower planted on May 21st, picture taken when it came out (May 26th)… almost… indeed
June 28, 2010
I had lunch with the webmaster on the port dock. I wanted to go there, close to the sea, for my birthday.
This sparrow was without a paw and standing on this gate, it seemed so “not feeling good” as it were in a cage.
The very first picture taken to Java that came the day of my birthday but not for me… not completely at least.
June 22, 2010
This really “crowded” orchid is a present I was given by the webmaster.
He gave me it saying “I’m sorry”, the day after we had a terrible argument. It was early June 2008.
We were both so upset and frustrated that probably we both thought we were going to break up.
A friend of mine, who lives in Texas, helped me to calm down and this made me finding the strength to overcome that problem.
This is the 3rd year the orchid is making flowers.
Till last year it did flower along a vertical branch, that died and it made growing this horizontal one. It’s probably due to the fact that the plant gets sun mainly from that direction.
I love this year “flowers configuration”, especially because there is JUST ONE orchid differently oriented (rotated of about 90 degree on the right).
It makes me smile because it seems it didn’t want to be hidden by other orchids and it’s seeking for more light.
On the right there is the “dead body” of my very first orchid that I bought for my 18th birthday and did flower for 5 years. It’s dead now.
That’s what I think when I look at this plants, the little story of the last years of my life.
A common life of a constant desire of eternal Love and Beauty.
June 9, 2010
The part of the post before the picture is just a short story of my “relationship” with a couple of the Catania university departments. The actual story of the picture is written below it.
I didn’t go nuts, the first part of the post can be a way to learn a bit more about “reasons” that made me take that pictures.
I’m not good with words, especially in English. Sorry.
I study at the University of Catania but I know some of its departments since I was a little girl. That’s because my mother is an university professor.
For the first 19 years of my life I’ve considered that place an something closer to playground than a place where you were supposed to work or study.
In that place I’ve taken some of my first pictures and video.
Actually the video is probably just one, recorded in late October 2002, during one of the first of “those” days that Mt Etna had been really active.
Those days the city was almost totally blocked by Mt. Etna “sand”, thus even schools had been closed for a few days.
Yeah. In other cities schools close due to snow, here in Catania due to “sabbia vulcanica”.
Since schools were closed I had not to study a lot, thus I didn’t resist going with mom to “the big playground” in order to record that big event with my camera and daddy’s camcorder.
(Soon or later I’ll publish the pictures).
There are places in that big “playground” that can get so dark to appear pretty dangerous after sunset.
Some of those places are the “corridors” in the the teachers’ studios area, that is usually kinda empty in late afternoon (7.00 pm or so).
That day of 8 years ago, when I’ve decided to go back to mom’s studio because sun was almost down and it wasn’t safe to stay outside the department, I decided to take a kind of video in the “insides”.
The idea came because everything was first lit by a strange light at sunset (effect of the Mt. Etna sand suspended in sky) and after sunset everything was kinda dark.
The video is only few seconds long, it wanted to represent the quick steps made by a girl who was running in dark to get safe behind those studios. I also enjoyed the camera effect of “night vision” to show my hands looking for (seriously doing that because I couldn’t see well) the right key to open the studio.
A silly video, something I’d never show to someone!
Despite this I enjoy recalling of it because it is one of the closest “representation” of the sense of desolation and solitude that those empty corridors arise in me.
The same feelings that now are always present in my heart even when those places are well lit and full of students and teachers because, in less than 6 months, the playground turned into “the place that reminds me of my biggest mistakes”.
Into the place of what “it could have been but will never be”.
Yeah. University make me thinking very happy things…
It will pass. Time washes away everything, except Eternity.
The picture you can see here was taken in a late afternoon in summer 2005, but the place is the same.<
My father unconsciously helped me to get a picture of those corridors.
I had find a way to edit this picture only today. This editing, that is just a playing with lights, makes the corridor looking shorter and less spooky, but I love the way my daddy’s silhouette looks like in there.
It is undefined, reflected on the floor in a way that is even more undefined…. it looks like kinda the same way I feel there: an undefined shadow out of its place.