I swear, I even went to the department to avoid distraction in order to focus on my studies.
It’s the bird who came to sing exactly in front of the window close to where I was studying, it even started to sing!

How could I ignore it?!

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I have never watched a Rugby match in my life…

 try to think if I had a mere idea of how to take pictures during a Rugby match

 Today I went to watch the match among teenagers teams.

In theory the match should have been between a team from Catania and one from Palermo,

 but due to the last week strike of truck drivers in whole Sicily there is no more gas/oil,

therefore the team from Palermo couldn’t reach Catania to play the match

 This meant a match among

the under 20 team and the under 16 team from Catania

Oh, last but not least:

in the under 20 team you can find a player that is Merins’ son.

a 16you who is a photography novice too!

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To increase frustration I was being unable to see that Something.

No pictures on my way.

I mean, I have been taking pictures for almost an hour
but I hadn’t found A picture that I might loved to share.

All the bad thoughts that are running in my mind since Sunday were back

Leave any hope.

Accept things as they are

FORGET PHOTOGRAPHY

I was walking along a stairway.
I was on THAT stairway in the
not-so-secret place
where I love to go.

I was walking down those steps when I saw just a leaf

On a rock.

I was surrounded by trees

but that leaf was exactly
in
one
of the few
illuminated spots.

It was there,

left,
isolated,
useless,
dead or almost dead,
brown on white-grey living stuff
the beauty in the decay.

A charming non-sense that made a lot of sense for me.

A
(apparent)
non-sense
…indeed…

I felt like it was a portrait of me.

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It could have get much more, in theory.
But I am not good enough.

I wonder
Am I not properly wired for these studies?
Or I am just not enough for everything running on this earth?.

Family and Friends keep on saying “the important is to go ahead”…
and I keep asking “to where?”
and they keep silent

I am sorry to cause sadness

But.

I go out.
It is soon after the exam.
It’s cold.

They are there, as always, jumping and twittering around.
I could see 4 of them while I am walking toward the car parking
3 of them fly away 1 stays:

He/she allows me to get unusually close.

I turn around: there are students in a class following a lecture…
While I am wondering if what I was doing could be of any disturb I realized that:
Considering similar circumstances
for the first time
I was EXACTLY where I would have loved to be for years (since September 2006).

It’s not the answer I am looking for, but it’s much better than mere silence.

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There are several places around me that I call refuge, some are not made of matter, some are too far away to be visited everyday, at times it’s just my bed and then, and then there is this place

It is a place in the area where part of Catania university had been built.
It’s a place where you can find a passerby but, there, rarely you can find someone just sitting and looking around.

This is one of the few places in the “cittadella” where I find peace. I have to walk for about 10-15minutes to reach it from the physics department, but it’s all worth doing that walk.

Yesterday I went there. In the moment I started my walk  the sky was partially cloudy, when I arrived there it was raining, a light rain. As soon as I pulled my camera out of my bag the sun started coming back. I have taken a few pictures. While I was  on my way back to the laboratories most of the clouds were gone and the few still up in the sky were playing with sun light giving to the sea (pretty well visible from the “cittadella”) the strangest colors, it was all a mixtures of shades of blue, green and gray. Part of the clouds left were hiding the upper part of Mt Etna but a good half of the volcano was still visible and its amazing dress of snow was one of the most amazing part of that show.

People all around me were doing what people do here. Some were reviewing for a test, some were going to the administration, some other were running around the sport ground , some were just chatting with friends, a couple was kissing, some were working, some were relaxing, someone was going away, someone was arriving.

I didn’t get the shot I wanted, but on my way back to the laboratories I realized why I felt “the need” to run away from “my desk” and have this walk.

It was all so peaceful and beautiful that all my troubles faded away.

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I didn’t go nuts, the first part of the post can be a way to learn a bit more about “reasons” that made me take that pictures.

I’m not good with words, especially in English. Sorry.

I study at the University of Catania but I know some of its departments since I was a little girl. That’s because my mother is an university professor.

For the first 19 years of my life I’ve considered that place an something closer to playground than a place where you were supposed to work or study.

In that place I’ve taken some of my first pictures and video.

Actually the video is probably just one, recorded in late October 2002, during one of the first of “those” days that Mt Etna had been really active.

Those days the city was almost totally blocked by Mt. Etna “sand”, thus even schools had been closed for a few days.

Yeah. In other cities schools close due to snow, here in Catania due to “sabbia vulcanica”.

Since schools were closed I had not to study a lot, thus I didn’t resist going with mom to “the big playground” in order to record that big event with my camera and daddy’s camcorder.

(Soon or later I’ll publish the pictures).

There are places in that big “playground” that can get so dark to appear pretty dangerous after sunset.

Some of those places are the “corridors” in the the teachers’ studios area, that is usually kinda empty in late afternoon (7.00 pm or so).

That day of 8 years ago, when I’ve decided to go back to mom’s studio because sun was almost down and it wasn’t safe to stay outside the department, I decided to take a kind of video in the “insides”.

The idea came because everything was first lit by a strange light at sunset (effect of the Mt. Etna sand suspended in sky) and after sunset everything was kinda dark.

The video is only few seconds long, it wanted to represent the quick steps made by a girl who was running in dark to get safe behind those studios. I also enjoyed the camera effect of “night vision” to show my hands looking for (seriously doing that because I couldn’t see well) the right key to open the studio.

A silly video, something I’d never show to someone!

Despite this  I enjoy recalling of it because it is one of the closest “representation” of the sense of desolation and solitude that those empty corridors arise in me.

The same feelings that now are always present in my heart even when those places are well lit and full of students and teachers because, in less than 6 months, the playground turned into “the place that reminds me of my biggest mistakes”.

Into the place of what “it could have been but will never be”.

Yeah. University make me thinking very happy things…

It will pass. Time washes away everything, except Eternity.

The picture you can see here was taken in a late afternoon in summer 2005, but the place is the same.<

My father unconsciously helped me to get a picture of those corridors.

I had find a way to edit this picture only today. This editing, that is just a playing with lights, makes the corridor looking shorter and less spooky, but I love the way my daddy’s silhouette looks like in there.

It is undefined, reflected on the floor in a way that is even more undefined…. it looks like kinda the same way I feel there: an undefined shadow out of its place.

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I have taken, unintentionally, a picture that became my “profile picture” on FB  (soon on skype too).

Today I’ve also gained a new desktop (it doesn’t make much sense in small dimension) that probably gave and idea for a new header:

I’m glad for the results and I’ve to admit it had been a great fun to take this pictures, but I want to stop with soap bubbles for a few weeks because:

1) I don’t want to be monotonous

2) I’m running out of time and have to focus more on geometry, algebra and analytical mechanics…

3) I need to find the proper settings and a great amount of free time to play more with “soap” but not necessarily to create bubbles

Beside I’ve got an idea about what I can do with soap bubbles, but it’s not something related only with “photography/art”… you’ll see.

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Love you my little Olympus c1 zoom because 5 years ago you gave me the chance to take this picture despite the awful light condition…and it was a totally unplanned picture!

Sorry sci-world, it’s nothing personal!

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Probably the only one in this place and time, and stronger than I appear. Probably not.

Definitely alive, real and loved

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Of ages?! NAH!

I’m here, reading about spin, protons, neutrons, shells and feeling confused. Not by the subject, but by painkillers.

In the last 24 hours I have had to take some painkiller pills, I’m below the maximum dosage, but weirdly above the dosage I usually take… so, even if no doctor would seriously worry about me, I’m feeling kinda… “suspended”, “confused”…

What can I do? Sleeping, at the moment is impossible even if eyes are closing alone…
Have I a picture that can describe my state of confusion?
Uh… a picture of my brain would be fine but cannot be taken… I just let me run through the pictures… found one, something I considered close to a “trash bin shot” but perfect for this situation…

I slightly edited the light and here it is:

Probably I should never publish such pictures? But, who am I hurting with this? ;D
When I saw it, it kinda “called” me… probably it’s just painkiller effect…

To whom it may concern (wow, so serious!) it’s a 4yrs and half old shot. I’ve taken it during my senior high school year… (AM I SO OLD?  )

Now I’m mad. Mad at me. This shot reminded me that I have lost at least an year of raw shots for being unable to copy and paste… silly girl.

I’m also wondering why my “dreaming-thinking about pictures” part of the  brain never turn off, even when I feel bad! GH!

(If this post sounds like a delirium, it is! At least I had fun in writing this, and allowed me to focus on something that wasn’t the “pain” ;D )

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but everything and everyone seem telling me I should.

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